Why The Vanderpump Guidelines Season 12 Reboot Is Already A Failure

“Vanderpump Guidelines” is again, kind of … nevertheless it sucks now!

I will again up. “Vanderpump Guidelines” began its life as a spin-off of “The Actual Housewives of Beverly Hills,” largely as a result of two issues. One, housewife Lisa Vanderpump occurred to personal a couple of restaurant hotspots in West Hollywood the place the entire younger, stunning workers have been continuously preventing, sleeping collectively, and preventing about who was sleeping collectively. Two, a type of workers — Scheana Shay — had an affair with the husband of one in all Vanderpump’s fellow housewives (particularly, Brandi Glanville’s continuously dishonest husband, Eddie Cibrian). As soon as producers like Alex Baskin discovered that Vanderpump’s restaurant SUR Restaurant and Lounge — the complete Christian title of which is Attractive Distinctive Restaurant Restaurant and Lounge — was a hotbed of drama, they picked up cameras. The remaining is historical past.

Here is the issue: after 9 seasons, the messy unique solid of “Vanderpump Guidelines” began rising up. A bunch of them have youngsters. All of them principally stopped working on the attractive and distinctive restaurant. This was good for them, however horrible for individuals like me who love drama and mess. Then, famous fool and unique “Vanderpump Guidelines” solid member Tom Sandoval cheated on his girlfriend of 9 years, Ariana Madix, with their shut pal Rachel Leviss, and the scandal generally known as “Scandoval” introduced this near-dead present again to life!

Here is one other downside, although: due to Scandoval, all people within the unique solid selected sides, and no person of notice sided with Sandoval. Add this to Madix’s comprehensible aversion to filming together with her ex, and the present’s eleventh season completely flatlined. Bravo’s response wasn’t to cancel the present, however to recast it with totally new “SUR-vers.” This sucks, and here is why.

For those who’ve by no means watched “Vanderpump Guidelines,” I’m jealous of you. This can be a present I genuinely and passionately want I might erase from my mind, “Everlasting Sunshine of the Spotless Thoughts” type, and watch in its entirety for the very first time. A part of it is because, in contrast to the long-running “Housewives” franchise, there’s an natural nature to “Vanderpump Guidelines” that proves irresistible — the entire individuals working at SUR have been already courting and mates, so the cameras walked into actuality TV gold after they began filming their dynamic. 

Proper off the bat, SUR newcomer Scheana Shay is met with abject cruelty and albeit insane prejudice from the restaurant’s younger queen bee Stassi Schroeder, a lady who unironically tells her deeply evil boyfriend Jax Taylor “I’m the satan, and do not you overlook it” within the present’s very first episode. Katie Maloney and Kristen Doute flank Stassi, the previous being a lady continuously dragged down by her dopey boyfriend, Tom Schwartz. The latter begins the present courting the aforementioned Tom Sandoval and spends the remainder of her time on the sequence, totally shedding her grip on actuality. Additionally, Lisa Vanderpump is there to yell at everybody for a way gross they’re being at any given second.

That is all unimaginable to observe. I can not stress that sufficient. Earlier than the present began shedding vitality in season 9, “Vanderpump Guidelines” proved itself as one of the action-packed and scrumptious actuality TV reveals in historical past, from Doute’s notorious inexperienced costume to DJ James Kennedy screaming “It is not concerning the pasta!” exterior of an L.A. eatery at Lala Kent. No one can ever high these individuals, and the brand new solid members undoubtedly aren’t as much as the duty.

Not solely are the brand new servers at SUR totally too self-aware about being on a present, however they’re pale imitations of the unique solid members at their greatest (Natalie Maguire, for instance, is a Scheana Shay knock-off, full with ill-advised pop star goals). Different very important archetypes are merely lacking. There is not any Jax Taylor right here, which is each a curse and a blessing; his antics on the “Vanderpump Guidelines” spin-off, “The Valley,” have been so overtly abusive that he received kicked off that present, however additionally, a brand new model of “Vanderpump Guidelines” kind of wants its token sociopath. Even when the brand new solid members enterprise into the again alley behind SUR — an attractive place that is been host to many, many superb screaming fights and may frankly grow to be a UNESCO World Heritage website — it is boring. 

These new solid members are messy and weird, however they’re additionally wholly uninteresting. Half the drama within the new “pilot” of types is about some man in his 50s named Paulo, and he does not even seem on-screen. When Jax toyed with the feelings of a number of ladies, he at the very least had the decency to indicate his face. It seems like producers are manufacturing dramas, and whereas that is not precisely new on the subject of actuality TV, the very best reveals on this style really feel fully pure, and that is exactly why the unique “Vanderpump Guidelines” was so particular. No one on this new present would have the questionable wherewithal to inform their supervisor to “suck a d***” whereas chainsmoking, as Kristen Doute as soon as infamously did. Sorry, Bravo; you’ll be able to’t put lightning again within the bottle. The brand new “Vanderpump Guidelines” is DOA.

“Vanderpump Guidelines” airs on Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on Bravo and is on the market to stream on Peacock the subsequent day.